あの奴らはくたばれるよ。

I think the most difficult thing about this whole ordeal is the waiting. You're in limbo. You can't really do much until your contacts start calling you with the news.

Tomorrow... more waiting.

Wish me luck, everybody!

待っている

Waiting to hear some news from Houston.  It's going to be a tense week.

Already got my first flush letter.  Besides the Houston lead, I've got one other lead to follow up on early next week, but after that it's looking bleak.

It is what it is.  It may be scary, but I'll survive.

No new news just yet. It's gonna be about another week or so. But I'm feeling very positive about this one, and I'm more than ready to leave New Orleans behind and get on with my life.

I'm going to start cleaning out my office next week. Before I bring anything into the house, it's going to be smudged down real good with sage. Most of my papers, of course, i'll simply pitch.

Friendly Fires - Paris

One day we’re gonna live in Paris
I promise
I’m on it
When I’m bringing in the money
I promise
I’m on it
I’m gonna take you out to club showcase
We’re gonna live it up
I promise
Just hold on a little more

And every night we’ll watch the stars
They’ll be out for us
They’ll be out for us
And every night, the city lights
They’ll be out for us
They’ll be out for us

One day we’re gonna live in Paris
I promise
I’m on it
I’ll find you that French boy,
You’ll find me that French girl
I promise
I’m on it

So go and pack your bags
For the long haul
We’re gonna lose ourselves
I promise
This time next year will be forevermore

Awesome song. 10 turtles out of 10. :)

and so it begins

I went to work yesterday not knowing what to expect. I didn't know if people would avoid me, treat me as a dead man walking, or what. There was a lot of hallway chatter. Apparently yesterday, *everybody* got a visit from their boss, whether they were being laid off or not. I didn't get to see it because I had left by that point.

Quite a few people getting the axe unexpectedly. Two early retirements, one new guy fresh out of college. I feel real sorry for him, he's gonna have a rough time.

It was all about numbers. Head count numbers. Performance numbers. Very cold, very impersonal, decided by people in Houston I've never met and never will. I will say this, tho. People told me yesterday, when my boss left my office after breaking the news, he looked absolutely horrible. I talked to him yesterday afternoon in my office, wanted to gently clear the air with him, let him know I had sympathy for the position he was in, and told him I thought he broke the news in a decent and respectful way. He thanked me and seemed much relieved. We talked about some work stuff for another 20 minutes or so, then he left.

I don't think my boss knew I was going to get the axe, nor did he have any say-so over it. He's a decent guy in a really bad position. I'm not angry or upset at him at all.

The amount of moral support I'm getting from my coworkers is nothing short of incredible. It brought me near to the point of tears at least five or ten times yesterday. I've got at least five headhunters, one job lead, and that's just two days after the fact. What I don't have right now is a resume. I stayed late at work last night collecting files and papers and stuff that I'll need, and this weekend I'll be writing it up. I've got most of the information I need, just need to put it down on paper and make it look absolutely dazzling.

Job market *is* tough right now. BP, Exxon, and Chevron each have one position I *might* be a decent match for, but that's it. It's definitely a good time to be a mechanical engineer, but a chemical engineer, not so much. Fortunately, I'm flexible, and I can relocate anywhere.

I'm just going to have to be patient, persistent, and not give up. Or give in.

The folks at work I'm leaving behind are going to have it hard. Our capital budget is being cut. A lot of projects I was working on are now being deferred, or not going to be done at all. There are going to be more cuts coming for the folks that are left. More unpredictable changes that they're all going to have to cope with. More stress. More worry. More sleepless nights.

I have my own problems to deal with right now. But I'm very happy that the stress of working in that particular work environment is going away.

In the meantime, I'm watching my money. Simplifying. Appreciating the little things more. Right now I'm sitting indoors with both doors open, the fan running, just letting the fresh air go thru... even tho it *is* 91 out and I'm just sitting here in a pair of shorts. It feels *good*.

Who knows. I may just start sleeping at night again.

This morning, my boss stopped by my office to give my my layoff papers. It's official August 31, although it could conceivably be moved to an earlier date. I get a fair amount of severance pay. Between severance, my personal savings, and unemployment, I should be able to survive frugally but comfortably up through the end of the year.

But I haven't had to look outside the company for a job for seven years. Whatever new job I find will probably have less pay, fewer benefits, and less career advancement potential than the job I'm about to leave behind. I'm scared. I'm very scared. I have a lot of friends who have circled around me to give me advice and support, and they make me feel better about the situation than I suspect they will ever know, but even so, I'm scared.

One of my closest friends at work was also laid off, about six hours after me. I don't understand why, she's one of the best we've got at what she does, but the decision was made.

I took the day off to try to compose myself, but tomorrow I have to go back to face the inevitable stares and hallway chatter. I'm not looking forward to it.

Wish me luck.

in the kitchen

I just made THE world's best batch of chicken salad. Ever.

Turtle = SCORE. :D

stress

Stress stress stress stress stress stress stress.

Hoping the shoe drops soon. Hoping the shoe drops someplace else.

36

I'm having a birthday today!

Having drinks and dinner (and maybe more) with a friend tonight. ;)

一人

生まれる時、一人で生まれる。

死ぬ時、一人で死ぬ。

その間、生きている時、一人で生き続ける。

I stopped off at Walmart tonight on the way home from work and bought a HDTV antenna. I'm trying it out for a few days, gonna see how I like it. I'm considering getting rid of my cable, I don't watch it enough to justify the cost, and it'd be a lot cheaper to get what few shows I do watch from iTunes.

Still have my job.  Waiting for them to decide what it is they're going to do.  We just lost our plant manager today, he's been transferred to another plant over in the UK to do cost cutting over there.  The interim plant manager is one of the mid-level managers who's getting a temporary promotion, should be interesting to see how the politics of this one shake out.

Only thing I'd want about his job right now is, at least it's a *safe* job.

I'm going thru the budget looking for things to get rid of.  Cable TV and eating out are at the top of the list.  There may not be much I can do at this point, if it does come to me getting laid off, but at least I'll be in as good a shape as I can.  There's too much fat in my monthly expenses anyway, it's good to trim it back.

Waiting.

They just announced layoffs today at work. Don't know who or how many or when, just that'll happen.

Fuck.

It's that time of year again...

Birthday's coming up. Oh yes it is. Like a fart in a crowded elevator, you know it's about to happen, and there's nothing you can do to prevent it...

Ordered some shirts and a nice watch I've wanted for quite a while. Birthday presents for myself. There's one other thing I'd like to get, but it's got a $500 price tag on it and that's just too much.

Motorcycle went back to the shop Friday. They're gonna clean out the carbs and send me the bill. The shop guy showed me how to drain the carb bowls. Sniffed the gasoline coming out, said it was rank as hell, no wonder I was having problems getting the bike to run. Hopefully the damage won't be that bad. I just wanna RIDE the thing, you know? :P

No progress on the boyfriend front, but I'm starting to not care so much. I'm getting out more on my bicycle, and the exercise I'm getting is really helping me feel better about life. Rode ten miles this afternoon doing errands and it felt GREAT. Definitely gonna be doing a lot more of this over the summer, in addition to working out. :)

Now if only I can get rid of this insomnia... :P

to someone I know in NOLA

If you allow people to push you around, and you never do anything to push back because you're a nice guy and you're better and stronger than that, you will soon be amazed at how many people will be pushing you around. Because you let them get away with it.

You don't have to be an asshole to assert yourself. Own your own life. When someone starts fucking with you, stand your fucking ground, dude! Do you really want to be everybody else's whipping boy?

Because if you allow it, you soon *will* be.

And let me tell ya. If you're looking for a BF, that is definitely *not* sexy.

日本へ行きたい！

I wanna go to Japan this fall. But who can I get to come with me? :P

Life in a holding pattern

One of the things I came to regret early on about my choice of career was the lack of geographical mobility. It's one of those things you don't think about when you start college. Hey, I'm doing what I want to do, the pay's good, what more is there, right?

I was asexual at the time, so the idea that I might want to be somewhere where I could find guys to date never crossed my mind. I figured, eventually I'll find me a cute chick, we'll settle down, whatever, there's cute chicks everyplace, right?

I don't think that's going to happen. LOL

I'm getting to the point in my job where I'm pretty confident navigating all the political pitfalls and other bullshit I have to wade through to get my job done. My coworkers like me, I get my job done, and my boss has given me some good coaching. As long as I stay here, I think there's a lot of things I can learn.

However, it's costing me dearly in my personal life. When it comes to the kind of guys I'm interested in dating, New Orleans has almost nothing to offer. This city is very gay friendly, there's certainly a strong gay community here, and people here are very friendly. Trouble is, there's not much overlap between the gay community and the working professional community. Lot of the gay guys here are students at UNO or Loyola or Tulane - too young. Lot of the gay guys here are service workers in the Quarter, which means they wake up late, stay up late, and have time off in the middle of the week. That's no good either, I need a guy who's free when I'm free.

It'd also be nice to meet someone who's on top of their life, doesn't have drama or other excessive problems they're constantly struggling with, who has interests above and beyond Britney and Mariah and Beyonce and all the other wailing divas without last names... *sigh*

So New Orleans isn't working out for me as far as the dating life goes. Unfortunately, the career path I've chosen doesn't leave me many options. Houston's the best option, but I'm not sure I want to go back, at least not to where I used to work. I like the hustle and bustle of being in a plant. There's a definite sense of camaraderie, there's always something going on, and you never know quite what to expect. And you're always learning. Research is... boring.

So anyway... Houston. Got a lot of friends there. Did get a few dates there. But I think there's better places for me. I'm starting to consider San Francisco again. More gay guys than you can shake a stick at, and there's some refineries out in the east Bay area.

Once this economy improves, I'm going to see if I can't make a move out there. Might mean changing companies, but it'll be worth it. I think this next move, I need to make it for the sake of my dating life and not for the sake of my career. I've sacrificed tons for the sake of my career so far in my life already. It's time for it to take a back seat to the rest of my life.

Just getting set up...

I'm going to be leaving BME pretty soon. I'm not active in the body modification scene any more, and the priorities in my life have changed. I'm setting up this blog to be my new home on the net. Not just to share what's going on in my day to day life, but as a space for me to do some writing and think big thoughts. Hopefully. :)

Sometimes it's just time for something new!


-- Post From My iPhone