and so it begins

I went to work yesterday not knowing what to expect. I didn't know if people would avoid me, treat me as a dead man walking, or what. There was a lot of hallway chatter. Apparently yesterday, *everybody* got a visit from their boss, whether they were being laid off or not. I didn't get to see it because I had left by that point.

Quite a few people getting the axe unexpectedly. Two early retirements, one new guy fresh out of college. I feel real sorry for him, he's gonna have a rough time.

It was all about numbers. Head count numbers. Performance numbers. Very cold, very impersonal, decided by people in Houston I've never met and never will. I will say this, tho. People told me yesterday, when my boss left my office after breaking the news, he looked absolutely horrible. I talked to him yesterday afternoon in my office, wanted to gently clear the air with him, let him know I had sympathy for the position he was in, and told him I thought he broke the news in a decent and respectful way. He thanked me and seemed much relieved. We talked about some work stuff for another 20 minutes or so, then he left.

I don't think my boss knew I was going to get the axe, nor did he have any say-so over it. He's a decent guy in a really bad position. I'm not angry or upset at him at all.

The amount of moral support I'm getting from my coworkers is nothing short of incredible. It brought me near to the point of tears at least five or ten times yesterday. I've got at least five headhunters, one job lead, and that's just two days after the fact. What I don't have right now is a resume. I stayed late at work last night collecting files and papers and stuff that I'll need, and this weekend I'll be writing it up. I've got most of the information I need, just need to put it down on paper and make it look absolutely dazzling.

Job market *is* tough right now. BP, Exxon, and Chevron each have one position I *might* be a decent match for, but that's it. It's definitely a good time to be a mechanical engineer, but a chemical engineer, not so much. Fortunately, I'm flexible, and I can relocate anywhere.

I'm just going to have to be patient, persistent, and not give up. Or give in.

The folks at work I'm leaving behind are going to have it hard. Our capital budget is being cut. A lot of projects I was working on are now being deferred, or not going to be done at all. There are going to be more cuts coming for the folks that are left. More unpredictable changes that they're all going to have to cope with. More stress. More worry. More sleepless nights.

I have my own problems to deal with right now. But I'm very happy that the stress of working in that particular work environment is going away.

In the meantime, I'm watching my money. Simplifying. Appreciating the little things more. Right now I'm sitting indoors with both doors open, the fan running, just letting the fresh air go thru... even tho it *is* 91 out and I'm just sitting here in a pair of shorts. It feels *good*.

Who knows. I may just start sleeping at night again.

This morning, my boss stopped by my office to give my my layoff papers. It's official August 31, although it could conceivably be moved to an earlier date. I get a fair amount of severance pay. Between severance, my personal savings, and unemployment, I should be able to survive frugally but comfortably up through the end of the year.

But I haven't had to look outside the company for a job for seven years. Whatever new job I find will probably have less pay, fewer benefits, and less career advancement potential than the job I'm about to leave behind. I'm scared. I'm very scared. I have a lot of friends who have circled around me to give me advice and support, and they make me feel better about the situation than I suspect they will ever know, but even so, I'm scared.

One of my closest friends at work was also laid off, about six hours after me. I don't understand why, she's one of the best we've got at what she does, but the decision was made.

I took the day off to try to compose myself, but tomorrow I have to go back to face the inevitable stares and hallway chatter. I'm not looking forward to it.

Wish me luck.

in the kitchen

I just made THE world's best batch of chicken salad. Ever.

Turtle = SCORE. :D

stress

Stress stress stress stress stress stress stress.

Hoping the shoe drops soon. Hoping the shoe drops someplace else.

36

I'm having a birthday today!

Having drinks and dinner (and maybe more) with a friend tonight. ;)